Why a High-Conflict Divorce is NOT What You Need

We all know somebody who has gone through a horrific divorce that has dragged out for years, drained both parties’ pockets, and never is finally resolved. In extreme circumstances, some couples turn to the divorce court system for a judge’s ruling on every decision that is necessary in their lives, especially when they share children, because they are simply incapable of working together to agree or make a decision. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life, and all of your money, locked in battle with your former spouse and relying on a judge to micromanage every detail of your life, you should do everything in your power to avoid a high-conflict divorce.

First, and perhaps most importantly, a high-conflict divorce is never good for your children. You may think you’re doing the right thing by “protecting” your children in refusing to allow visitation with their other parent, fighting for every cent of child support that you believe your children “deserve,” and telling your children the “truth” about how horrible their other parent is. The fact is, taking those actions simply puts the children in the middle of your divorce and risks using them to make yourself feel better about the situation. You’re asking them to choose between you and their other parent, and that just isn’t fair. This is not to say that there are not situations in which you have an abusive spouse and you really do need to take steps to protect yourself and your children. However, in many situations, parents are simply using their children as bargaining chips to strike back at one another for the pain and anger that they are feeling, which is not helpful to or healthy for your children.

Next, you easily can spend thousands and thousands of dollars on attorney’s fees, court costs, therapist fees, custody evaluations, and expert witnesses. Since court orders about children can change over time, ex-spouses sometimes keep litigating various issues related to their cases long after their divorces become final. Unless you have unlimited amounts of money, you quickly can go bankrupt trying to keep up with the constant litigation. Instead of using your income to support yourself and your children, you will end up throwing money away and still never reaching a final resolution in your case.

Finally, keep in mind that if you litigate every issue in your divorce, you are relinquishing all control over your life to a judge who doesn’t know anything about you, your spouse or your children. In the end, you are asking a stranger to make highly personal and emotional decisions about your children, your finances, and the course of your life. By working together to resolve issues in a manner that is acceptable to you, you can exercise far more control over your own life and arrive at agreeable, positive solutions for your family.

At Miller Law Group, we understand how difficult and stressful it can be to go through a divorce. The crucial decisions that you must make during your divorce proceedings make it even more essential that you seek out the advice and guidance of experienced counsel. Contact our office today, schedule a consultation with an experienced Manhattan divorce attorney, and learn how we can assist you with your case.