Shift #7: Shift On – Enjoy Your Life Do-Over After Divorce
As we said in the initial post of this series, divorce isn’t just an ending, but a beginning. Even if you can’t see it yet, divorce brings the extraordinary opportunity to reshape and transform your life into what you want it to be, what we call “Life Do-Over After Divorce”.
Divorce is the perfect moment to take stock of your life and assess whether you’re satisfied with how you’re spending your time. You only have a limited number of days on this earth. Are you spending each one the way you want? With reflection, maybe you’ll realize you’re unhappy with your job. Perhaps you’ll realize that you’ve completely abandoned your dream to travel across Asia. Perhaps you’ll see that you’d like to spend more time having fun with your kids.
Since you have to make significant changes and rebuild your life after divorce anyway, why not restructure it in a way that brings you joy?
This week’s guest, Deb Purdy, is here to help you think about how divorce has hit the restart button on your life and consider the opportunities it is opening for you.
Deb is a transformation coach, speaker, workshop leader who successfully changed her painful divorce story into one of positivity and peace by using several mental shifts. Thanks to these shifts, she was able to design the post-divorce life she wanted and create a collaborative and friendly co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband. Deb is the author of the book, Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce.
Take Inspired Action
So, how to best take advantage of this life do-over that divorce has given you? Deb Purdy advises her clients to commit to taking care of their future selves. The “you” of today has the power to make positive, soul-fulfilling changes for the “you” of the future. With every decision you make, consider how it will help bring the “future you” joy. Sign up for that art class. Start planning that trip. Freshen up your résumé and start researching that dream job! Don’t waste time worrying about how or whether you will achieve your ultimate goal; just get started by taking one step at a time toward them. Deb calls these steps “inspired action.”
You might be thinking: “Well, it’s all very good to say that I’ve got a do-over and that I should live out my dreams, but I’ve struggling to make ends meet and have no free time now. How am I supposed to do this?”
Deb’s advice? Start small. One of her clients, a single mom, was so exhausted and stressed after working all day and caring for her two little boys that she barely had a moment to herself. She was in a constant state of worrying about money and the future.
Deb helped the client to see that inspired actions don’t have to be enormous to bring joy. In this case, she guided the woman to find “extraordinary in the ordinary” of her current situation. The client decided to make the two hours she spent with her children a worry-free period, which allowed her to be more present with them. She soon found that when she didn’t indulge in worries when with her kids, she developed a sense of “calm energy” and enjoyed them much more.
The client also committed to spending time each night doing something for herself, including looking for a new job. After a few months, she found one that paid more and was closer to home.
Be Free to Explore
If you’re not sure what you want or how to go about achieving your goal, that’s okay. This is the perfect time to explore different ideas without fully committing to one particular thing immediately. Deb tells clients that the sky’s the limit for your explorations–just be sure that whatever you choose to do is something you believe you want for your life, comes from inside you, and lights up your soul.
And if you try it and it turns out that it’s not what you want? It’s no loss–only more information. You can use that knowledge to better define your goals and move forward in your life with hope and joy.
If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.
Read the rest of our series: “Rewriting Your Post-Divorce Storyline”:
- Use Your Divorce For Positive Transformation
- Shift #1: Culture Shift – Transform Your Relationship to Divorce
- Shift #2: Intention Shift – Decide How You Will Be in Divorce
- Shift #3: Story Shift – Change Your Divorce Story
- Shift #4: Shift on Your Ex – Find Peace in Your Relationship
- Shift #5: Shift the Conversation – Help Loved Ones to Support You in Divorce
- Shift #6: Kids are Shifters Too – Helping Your Children Thrive Post-Divorce