Save Yourself: Vital Psychotherapy During Divorce

Psychotherapy After Divorce: Why You Should Do It

“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”
― Mo WillemsGoldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs

Divorce is a major shift in your—and your family’s—life’s story. The setting can change from the family home to a condo. The visits to extended family in Vermont can become smaller getaways to a show in New York City. Who you spend your Tuesday nights with can change from week to week or month to month or maybe just in the summers.

The vast array of changes involved in divorce is, in itself, grounds for seeking psychological support. Much attention has been paid to the importance of resilience in success in life. And there are steps you can take to cultivate resilience:

  • Be aware of how much you do (or don’t) control
  • Practice self-care
  • Check your thought patterns
  • Exist in the present
  • Find your priorities

These practices involve a shift in perspective, awareness of your own thought patterns and time and space to pay attention to you. But these are hard practices to master on your own. That’s why support from psychologists can’t be overstated.

This week my guest is Dr. Mark Banschick, child psychologist with training from Georgetown University and New York Presbyterian Hospitals, expert witness in custody disputes, author of The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Your Children, and writer for Psychology Today. He has been featured on the CBS Early Show and quoted in The New York Times, CNN and USA Today. He recently launched a comprehensive online course, Intelligent Divorced Parenting to help parents deal more effectively with divorce even when confronted with a difficult former spouse.

Help with the Process

Ending a marriage is a huge life change. It’s too big a shift to handle alone. It’s important to have someone (not your children) who you can bounce ideas off of, share your grief with, talk openly about your children with. A therapist who has seen this before is the perfect sounding board.

Providing Objectivity

As supportive as friends and family can be, it’s critical to have an objective voice. Someone outside the marriage, and outside your life, can more readily see patterns of behavior where you don’t. Speaking to a therapist can turn venting into growth.

Accompanying You Through the Grief

In every divorce there is a grieving process. You grieve for the person you were, the person you thought you would be, the life you thought you would lead. It’s critical that you take the time to process that so that you can see the future as it really is and be proud of the way you experience this transition.

This series with Dr. Banschick is more than just a review of an expert’s tips. In many ways, it will be a guide to how you can successfully navigate divorce with children in the kindest and most productive way.

If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.