What Conventional Wisdom Gets RIGHT about Divorce
If you’re starting down the road to divorce, you’re no doubt bombarded by advice—often full of clichés and predictable stereotypes. Conventional wisdom tells us half of marriages end in divorce. Still, 90 percent of us get married. So what difference does conventional wisdom make?
Well, for one, it tells us that there are pitfalls both on the deciding-to-get-married side and on the deciding-to-divorce side. Choosing to marry young, for example, is a key indicator that divorce is in your future. But what about deciding to divorce? What perils are you actually likely to encounter what you make that decision?
You May Win, But It May Not Feel Like It
The say there are no winners in divorce. And in some ways, this is true. That’s because parties in divorce do well to shift their thinking from adversarial—“winners” and “losers”—to generous. The more generous one side is—with their time, thought and offers—the more the other party feels at ease. With the heat turned down on negotiations, both parties have the opportunity to be generous. The settlement may not be what either party wants, but it can be what both parties can live with. And, most importantly, move on from.
Divorce Takes a Lot From You
Another thing conventional wisdom gets right is that divorce strips you of a lot. You inevitably experience distance from mutual friends. These relationships may evaporate completely separately from your relationship with your ex. It may just be too much for other family members or friends to negotiate. Your health, too, may take a hit. In her book, Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well, Wendy Paris discusses how your health may pay the price for the stress of divorce.
The conventional wisdom on divorce isn’t always accurate. But there is truth to some of it and you ignore its health and stress warnings at your peril. Shifting your thinking about what’s important and what will constitute a “win” for you can take you far.
If you’re starting the process of a divorce, remember that you’re not alone in this process. Call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.