Striking Gold with Divorce Support

Deana Coyle, Founder of Vesta: From Isolation to Inspiration 

One of the biggest and most painful side-effects of divorce is loneliness. And this can be true even if you’re leaving a marriage that is destructive and damaging. You may know it’s the right decision, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel sad about being alone.

Why it Happens

Many people find themselves suddenly on the outside of old social circles with fewer calls and fewer invitations. Old standing meet-ups may dissolve, group dinners, watching the game together—those may all become remnants of “a time and a place” that just doesn’t exist anymore.

The top reasons can be hard to hear. But remember, these are perceptions, not necessarily reality. And we know, reasons don’t have to be reasonable. They just have to be believed.

  • The threat: Fear that, as a newly single person, you may be looking for a new partner…even if that partner already has a spouse.
  • Polarization: Whether we want it to be true or not, divorce tends to split the social circle into two distinct groups, his and hers.
  • Fear: Many people fear that your divorce will represent a threat to their own marriage—perhaps give an unhappy spouse some ideas.
  • Social stigma: Despite nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, there is still—especially in certain social circles—a stigma attached to divorce.

The Loneliness Divorce Creates

One of the problems with combating loneliness post-divorce is that you’re out of step with culture. You may get a part-time job or join a club only to find yourself surrounded by people much older or much younger than you. Or, because of financial concerns, you may find yourself locked into an unfulfilling job without peers to connect with—or friendships to replace the ones that have disappeared.

That’s where my guest this week found herself after her own divorce. But she transformed this feeling of frustration into an amazing network.

Deanna Coyle is the founder of Vesta: ReDefining Divorce, an organization that provides informative and social events, retreats, and referrals for trusted professionals to educate and empower people who are navigating life during and after divorce.

Coyle launched her initiative after her own divorce. She had left her Wall Street analyst career to become a stay-at-home mom. But when faced with divorce with a four-year old and a six-year old, she had to go back to work, as a financial advisor. This work wasn’t fulfilling for her, but on the side she started organizing networking events. She coordinated meetups and seminars focused on getting through divorce. These events help people understand that they’re not alone, which helps them move past the isolation and shame that can often accompany divorce.

This month I’ll be taking a look at Coyle’s work and examining how people can break out of the isolation that often accompanies divorce. I’ll go over how you can find, connect with or build a community of support at any stage in—or after—divorce.

If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.