Short ‘n’ Sweet Blogs Teach Truisms About Divorce
The Front Lines: Stories & Lessons from EmpoweredWomansDivorce.com
There’s no way around it; divorce isn’t easy. We all lean on friends, family and professionals to help ease the burden, lend a sympathetic ear, and provide support and guidance.
This week, I sat down with divorce experts Dr. Jill Murray and Adam Dodge. We discussed the many resources they’ve written and created for people contemplating, going through and recovering from divorce.
Dr. Murray is one of the nation’s leading experts on unhealthy relationships. She has published a number of books on unhealthy relationships and mental health. Her therapy practice is based in Laguna Niguel, California. Dodge is a former divorce attorney who now devotes his career to empowering women to represent themselves in family law proceedings as the legal director of Laura’s House where he advocates for the legal rights of domestic violence survivors and their children.
Together, they co-authored The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Divorce and also publish the site EmpoweredWomansDivorce.com, with articles on everything from how to handle holidays after divorce to confronting the fear of being courageous.
This week I wanted to take a look into some of the topics they’ve covered in their blog.
Considering Getting Back with Ex
This blog entry addresses a very real temptation that may surface during the process of divorce—calling the whole thing off. Real financial and familial worries may rear their heads and leave people doubting their decision to split. But the blog sites an interesting study of more than 500 couples experiencing “relationship recycling”—getting back together, then splitting up again in an endless cycle—and found that their levels of psychological distress were higher than those who didn’t “cycle”. They experienced depression and anxiety. And while the couple that reunites may feel temporary relief, the old patterns soon return, along with the toxicity. Some things to examine if you’re considering a return include:
- Have you had “deep and meaningful” discussions?
- Have you participated in blaming and shaming?
- Has there been counseling?
- Has there been sufficient time to identify changes that need to be made?
If the answer to any of these is no, you may want to hold off on re-entering the relationship!
Be Good Enough for You
This blog encourages people going through divorce to stop asking if you are a good enough spouse or parent and answer a simple question: are you good enough for you? It challenges reader to let go of the “not good enough” message they’ve likely been repeating to themselves since childhood. The blog suggests making a list of everything—even the small things—that you are good at. Parallel parking? Comforting someone experiencing loss? Making someone smile? Write it all down. Then, with written proof, decide that you are good enough for you
Thanking Your Ex
One to the most fun blogs is the one centering on “thanking your ex”. Using an Ariana Grande song as inspiration, it asks you to consider a shift in perspective. All the pain you’re feeling in the middle of the divorce? It’ll be gone and, the blog goes on, in five years, you’ll write your ex a thank you note! It’s a wonderful way to express the idea that we are constantly changing and that pain is temporary.
The blogs at EmpoweredWomansDivorce.com are fun, quick reads that hit on some important and enlightening concepts. I encourage you to check them out!
If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.