Recreating Yourself Post-Divorce
Recreating Yourself Post-Divorce
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ― J.K. Rowling
Sometimes, the only way to go is up. And many people report that, during divorce, they feel that they hit rock bottom. That can come all at once or in waves of sadness that leave us without energy or hope. For many, the only thing good about rock bottom is the perspective. You, finally, can only turn your focus up.
This week I sat down with Deanna Coyle, founder of Vesta: ReDefining Divorce, an organization that provides informative and social events, retreats, and referrals for trusted professionals to educate and empower people who are navigating life during and after divorce. After leaving Wall Street she now focuses on work that is very personal and focuses on the steps you can take to picking yourself up off of rock bottom and starting a new upward trajectory.
A Personal Story
For Coyle, sharing her story became not just theraputic, but necessary for creating good. In the course of her own recovery from divorce, she discovered the necessity she felt to get out and “provide people with the things that they need to know.” From this realization, she moved to actively helping others. Through Vesta, she hopes to help people become educated, connected and empowered,
How to Reinvent Yourself
As you move away from the person in the throes of marital struggle, toward a new reality, you will face opportunities to make the leap.
Steps to the new you:
1) Let yourself mourn.
It’s alright and even appropriate to feel sadness over the end of your marriage. Take the time to experience and process those feelings.
2) Work through your feelings.
This isn’t easy stuff. And it isn’t something to just “fake it til you make it”. This is when it’s time to seek out professional support. Therapists or support groups are plentiful.
3) Learn to like yourself.
Whether you do this with a therapist or by writing down your achievements or seeing friends who make you feel good about yourself, it’s time to shift from feeling bad to appreciating who you are again.
4) Rediscover who you used to be.
This is important especially if you were married for a long time. It’s the moment to embrace the parts of yourself—maybe your interest in travel, in going out—that you’ve parked for too long. Take them out for a spin.
5) Discover a side of yourself.
With this many life changes, it’s a great moment to explore something new whether that’s a class, a new style or new church.
6) Dare to be alone.
We often think of being alone in terms of solitude. It’s time to shift your thinking. Being alone doesn’t mean spending time by yourself, it means having the freedom to join a variety of groups, whole different sets of friends.
7) Consider transitional relationships.
All this means is setting aside your old “requirements” for who would be a long-term mate. Try dating in different social circles to experience variety.
8) Embrace your new roles.
You’re no longer defined by your ex. That means you don’t have to be “the outgoing one” or “the one who doesn’t handle the finances”. You’re not fulfilling those roles anymore. Embrace the freedom to change all this.
If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.