Post-Divorce Make-Over – Dealing with Rejection
Dealing with Rejection Post-Divorce
“Rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success” – Bo Bennet
Failure is a part of life. But somehow whether it’s in applying for jobs or in online dating—it’s hard not to take it personally. Especially with dating after divorce. Dating etiquette has changed rapidly. And nowadays you’re more likely to be broken up with by text than in-person. The whole experience can leave you reeling.
What We Feel in Rejection
It isn’t just that we feel a momentary sting. It can pack an emotional punch that stays with us. And what’s worse, the feeling of rejection can compound feelings we’re already experiencing post-divorce: jealousy, loneliness and anxiety. One of the problems with breakups (or getting ghosted, where they just disappear) is that we tend to pay more attention to that moment than we do to the other, just-as-legitimate moments. Perhaps when you didn’t really connect. Or when they didn’t understand your humor. Or they were late, or didn’t love all the things you do. There are perfectly reasonable motives for breaking up. But in the moment, it may be hard to see them. And we may turn the spotlight on ourselves and all our flaws. This is natural, but not necessarily helpful especially when we’re already feeling vulnerable and reeling from a divorce.
So what can we do to protect ourselves and prepare ourselves for the inevitable dating rejection?
This week I spoke with Alyssa Dineen, founder of Style My Profile, a personal stylist service for divorcees. She works with them to feel better about how they look and then build a great online dating profile to help them confidently get back out into the dating world. This week I’ll be taking a look at her experience, perspective and advice.
Feel Good About Yourself
Dineen’s work is all about using external tools—like fashion—to support our self-esteem. So whatever a “little boost” looks like to you—a new jacket, new earrings, a day of pampering—take advantage of it.
Look at All You’ve Done
Dineen works closely with clients to help them craft their online profiles. What she’s learned in working with clients is that people often have many things going for them that they disregard. That is, they take their own accomplishments for granted. The days after a breakup is a great time to remind yourself of just what you’ve gotten done in your life. Writing it down can help jog the memory. Or meeting with friends and colleagues who also know just how great you are can help!
Getting rejected is never fun. And, if you’ve already been married, it can feel frustrating to have to “re-learn” this part of dating. But these moments can be good opportunities to build a support network, whether that’s friends to go shopping with or exercises to bolster your confidence, know that you’ve got support when you need it.
If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.