Stage Four of Divorce: The New Normal

Liza Caldwell: Divorce Stage Four or the “New Normal”

Catharsis is a beautiful emergence into purity that’s impossible without struggle. It’s a release from tension. It’s the happiness on the other side of the rainbow that’s impossible without the storm and the rain.

We practice catharsis in everyday life to help us cope. Whether it’s through exercise like boxing, or listening to music, practicing art or writing, the “release” we get from activities helps us escape anxiety, anger, fear and frustration. And this practice can become not just a way to get through tough times, but a sort of bridge to the start of a new time. A new normal.

This month we’ve been taking a close look at the work of Liza Caldwell, cofounder and director of SAS For Women, graduate of Fordham University with an MA from Columbia Teachers College where she studied Gender and Leadership Development. She’s trained in transformational coaching and she’s a certified professional coach and recognized by the International Coach Federation.

Caldwell identifies four stages of divorce: “Something Is Wrong”, “Hitting the Trigger”, “Something Is Changing” and the “New Normal”.  So far this month we’ve taken a closer look at three of these stages and have arrived at the “New Normal”. What exactly does that look like?

What Normal Is

In moving past a lot of the issues you needed to deal with in the last stage, you have emerged into a new reality. It’s time to assess everything you have now. First, you likely have new coping mechanisms. You may still gather with friends to complain, but that’s not your only source of comfort. You’ve found new support systems: support groups, therapy, perhaps even a new group of friends. You are unafraid to seek help because you know that with time and work, your outlook improves. Maybe you’ve picked up new hobbies (or returned to old ones) and with it a whole new set of friends. Maybe you’ve moved to the downtown loft you always dreamed of, or invested in a time share somewhere tropical or say yes when you get the chance to house sit far away.

What Normal Isn’t

It’s important, too, that this stage be clear of many of the bad habits—and people—you may have encountered in you divorce journey. Caldwell points out that you may have toxic people in your life. That is, your ex wasn’t the only negative influence in your universe. It’s time to assess these relationships. Do they fit your new life?

You’ve been through one of the biggest life transitions you can experience. You can feel confident in taking on whatever life throws at you!

We’ll look more in-depth at Liza Caldwell’s four stages of divorce and the path to truth and recovery, find them here:

If you’re considering divorce but would like to try an approach that might mean a brighter future, call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.

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