Forgiveness After Divorce: When and Why to Aim for It—and What It Really Takes

According to the American Psychological Associate, between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

That statistic can fuel a certain hopelessness. Does that mean half of Americans live in anger? Is it possible that one out of every two of us walks around with resentment and even hatred? And what does that mean for our daily lives?

Forgiveness: When?

Forgiveness doesn’t have to be something we aim for reaching on our deathbed. But it also can’t be rushed. It needs to come naturally. It is a “conscious, deliberate decision” to let go of feelings of resentment and fury. It may be helpful to recognize that forgiveness isn’t about the other person. It’s about liberating YOU from the constant strain of anger and resentment.

Forgiveness: Why?

Forgiveness can set you free, liberating you from re-hashing the past. And it should be noted that forgiveness can have little to do with your ex and everything to do with you. It is a freeing step that can help you turn the corner from a divorce, allowing you to move on and find new happiness.

What It Takes

Forgiveness is a process. Whether that means finding comfort in a higher power or reaffirming that you won’t go through what you’ve just experienced again, it’s an act of faith that can take time.

Alternatives to Forgiveness

Saying no to forgiveness doesn’t mean deciding to dwell in the anger. It’s a shift in priorities. It really is all about you. Forgiveness isn’t about saying that what happened was ok. It isn’t. In fact, it’s actually something different. As Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair, Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner has been Unfaithful and How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom not to says, it’s an alternative to forgiveness—acceptance. This means giving yourself permission to move on and let go of the feelings that entwine you and keep you linked to a negative time and space in your life.

Most importantly, remember that you’re not alone in this process. Call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.