Crafting a “Good Divorce” Against the Odds

Imagining a happy marriage is easy. Just flip on the Hallmark Channel and you’ll see cozy homes, good health, stable employment, pets, children and a warm community. In fact, almost 90 percent of Americans marry by age 50.

Divorce, on the other hand, has a roundly bad reputation. We’re bombarded with images of screaming fights, torrid affairs, angry payback and broken families.

Is it possible, then, with so many stereotypes, to fashion a “good” divorce?

What Does a Good Divorce Look Like?

It can be. The best divorces allow the couple to cooperate and let go of the anger. With this approach, they are able to lose the destructive back and forth, step away from the fight, and adapt to post-divorce life.

Moving on means that ex-partners can think about their children’s needs clearly, not tainted by how they want to hurt their ex. They can find ways to start a new life—and new happiness—regardless of the pain in their past.

What Keeps You From Good Divorce

But impediments to a good divorce exist everywhere. The prevailing idea is that people can only be happy after divorce if the marriage was miserable. So there isn’t much support or encouragement for a friendly divorce in media, our culture, or even, sometimes, among our own families and friends.

How can you combat the stereotype?

Taking the first step yourself, or even with your ex, may lead you down a path of new possibilities. While it’s not always easy, or even possible, to have an amicable split, there are often many steps you can take to create a peaceful and happy divorce. Letting go of blame, acknowledging your own part of the problem, sharing in decision-making and being ready to be big about it—aiming for generosity in your agreements and settlements.

Take the tools in your hands and craft the divorce you’d like, away from the clichés.

If you’re starting the process of a divorce, remember that you’re not alone in this process. Call my team to schedule a confidential consultation.

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