Divorce Mediation

Articles

Protecting Yourself in Mediation with High-Conflict Ex

Divorcing a high-conflict spouse understandably feels risky. You’re right to be nervous about entering the ring with someone who thrives on conflict. But the past history of conflict doesn’t have to dictate what and how you’ll do in mediation. Instead, employ some simple steps to protect yourself during mediation. That’s…

Successfully Navigating Mediation: Beyond the Myths and Misconceptions

In this series of posts, we’ve begun an in-depth conversation about divorce mediation—from the strategies that empower participants to reach resolutions to how the psychological muscles you build during mediation help you succeed in the life you want, post-divorce. Let’s discuss a few of the major themes we’ve discussed, as…

How Mediation Can Help Resolve Your Divorce

Mediation is a way for spouses to resolve their divorce outside the courtroom in a private, neutral, non-adversarial process. Families can benefit from choosing mediation instead of litigation in several different ways. Sometime people focus on the fact that mediation tends to be less expensive than litigation  but that is…

Finding Happiness with Life Lessons Learned in Mediation

One of the most frustrating and disappointing thoughts about divorce is that it’s an un-doing, a move in reverse, when we want is to feel that we’re making progress. But the skills you learn during a divorce can actually help you. And that’s even more relevant for the tools you…

Mediation of All Shapes and Sizes

While divorce mediations have underlying human emotions that naturally surface in negotiations. The cases themselves are as varied as marriages—or divorces. Some involve spouses who respect each other, but have come to the conclusion that they shouldn’t be married. Some cases involve betrayal. Others, a slow burn of frustration. Variety…

Dealing with Misunderstandings (and Other Hiccups) During Mediation

Using mediation to end a marriage empowers participants to communicate their desires without the limitations, public record and the formality of appearing in court. Mediation is a process that can be liberating and empowering, allowing both sides to be frank about their goals. It may be an opportunity to be…

Clarifying Your Needs in a Negotiation: the Power of the BATNA

You feel vulnerable. You don’t totally trust the other party in a negotiation. What can you do to make the situation less unnerving? Strategies abound. But one of the most interesting ideas is surprisingly simple. Technically speaking, it’s known as the BATNA, short for “Best Alternative to Negotiated Arrangement”. Authors…

Divorce and Social Security Benefits

Divorce is never easy no matter what age a person may be.  It is often a lengthy and challenging process which requires the divorcing couple to negotiate the division of their property and make choices which will affect their financial future for many years to come.  For older individuals, one…

Mental Health Issues and Divorce

Going through a divorce is a trying process for everyone involved.  When a partner in a relationship has a psychiatric condition, the divorce can become more complicated. When mental health issues and divorce are combined, there are some important things to consider. Divorce and a Symptomatic Partner When a person…

The Law: Does It Add to or Take Away from Divorce Negotiations?

What is the role of the law in divorce negotiations? It’s actually a huge question and worthy of consideration, not only by professionals who work with separating and divorcing families but by those families themselves. There is often a tension between a lawyer’s view of the right outcome as informed by…

4 Questions to Determine if Mediation is Right for You

{2:51 minutes to read} The decision to divorce initiates a series of many challenging and difficult decisions, often starting with: What do I do now? What are the right questions to ask? Is divorce mediation right for me? The following four yes/no questions provide a guide for determining if the…

Why’s It SO HARD for People to Finish Divorce?

{5:00 minutes to read} One thing that is a very well known professional phenomenon is that, when people get toward the end of a negotiation, something comes up. Usually, a relatively small something becomes very emotionally significant to the parties that stops them from settling, right before the end. I…

Consulting or Review Attorneys in Mediation – Part 2

  {3:45 minutes to read} In my last article, I discussed the role of review attorneys in mediation. In this continuation, I’ll discuss the role of a consulting attorney in comparison. Where the review attorney is usually brought into a mediation toward the end of the process, the consulting attorney…

Consulting or Review Attorneys in Mediation – Part 1

{6:00 minutes to read} It’s a really good idea for a divorcing couple in mediation to have a consulting or review attorney to act as a matrimonial medium.  What is the role of attorneys in a mediation? Sometimes parties believe that lawyers are a threat to the mediation process itself.…

Can Lawyers Be Peacemakers?

{4:30 minutes to read} Oftentimes, in our modern culture, we think of lawyers as advocates, champions or warriors, but that is really a very newfangled idea—and possibly a misguided one.  (more…)

3 Important Things to Look for in a Mediator

{3:30 minutes to read} You’re looking for a mediator? Below are 3 important things to look for in your search. (more…)

High Conflict Couples and Resistance Towards Mediation

Recently, I had an interview with Bill Eddy on my radio show Dialogue on Divorce. Bill discussed the changing path Divorce Mediation has taken in the last 10 years, particularly as it affects high-conflict couples, Bill’s area of expertise. Before then, mediation was really just people who were motivated.  They…

Making Peace with Your Ex

What does it mean to make peace with your ex?  This is a tough question.  When people feel their ex-spouse betrayed them deeply perhaps simultaneously betraying their children, making peace often feels like letting the ex “get away with it.”  It feels to many people that somehow someone has to…

The Magic of Neutrality

I have been a mediator for 25 years and in that time I have certainly heard amazing stories and I have also learned a few surprising things.  Perhaps the most amazing thing I have learned is the magic of neutrality.  Here’s what I mean... People in conflict of any kind…

Conflict Resolution: Change Your Perspective

Find some objectivity in order to translate conflict into problem solving. I have an old and dear friend who I value for her willingness to ask me the hard questions and tell me the truth no matter what.  Of course, I appreciate the support of all my friends but I…

Mediation or Collaboration: Which Approach Is Better?

For some divorcing couples, Collaboration works best. For some couples, Mediation is a much better fit. Only you have the insight into your relationship to allow the right option to become clear. While you may be eager to find best choice for you and your spouse, the best approach might…

8 Advantages to Mediation

There are a few non-traditional models of divorce that don't force you and your spouse to drag your family into court. I've posted before about one of these models in the 8 Advantages to Collaborative Divorce. Like Collaborative Divorce, mediation offers an alternative, private way to separate and avoid litigation.…

Podcast

Say “No” to Divorce Litigation and “Yes” to Collaborative Divorce (March 5, 2014)

Radio Shows

Redesigning Your Living Space After Divorce

In this episode, Katherine Miller talks with Jodi Topitz, founder of We2Me, about designing or redesigning your space post divorce to jump start the rest of your life. 

The Power of Finding Solutions Together

Katherine Miller talks with Gary J. Friedman, co-founder of the Center for Understanding in Conflict, mediator, teacher and author, about what it takes for people to work through divorce conflict and the power of finding solutions together. Learn more about Gary and the Center for Understanding in Conflict at www.understandinginconflict.org.

Finding Strength Through Compassion Instead of Blame

Katherine Miller talks with Dr. Steven Stosny, founder of Compassion Power, about the strength that divorcing people can find through compassion rather than blame. CompassionPower was founded on the belief that individuals and societies are more powerful when compassionate than when angry or aggressive and that emotional problems arise whenever…

Lawyers as Peacemakers

Katherine Miller talks with David Hoffman, Esq. about lawyers as peacemakers. Listen to the conversation about the strength and effectiveness of the peacemaker versus our cultural misconceptions about aggression. Learn more about David here and listen to his TEDx talk.

The Evolution of the Collaborative Process in New York

Katherine Miller talks with Sue Brunsting, Esq. about her experience of the evolution of the Collaborative Law process in NY.

High-Conflict Couples and Divorce Mediation

Katherine Miller talks with Bill Eddy about high conflict couples and divorce mediation. Bill says that mediation and Collaborative Law are more appropriate for high conflict couples than traditional litigation. Listen to the interview to find out more. More information about Bill is on his website.

Why It’s So Important to Stay Out of Court

Katherine Miller talks with the Hon. Sondra Miller. Judge Miller spent decades on the bench and was commissioned by the late Chief Justice Judith Kaye to conduct hearings across New York on the state of matrimonial law delivering her committee's report in 2006. The Miller Commission report instigated many changes…

Special Guest: Stu Webb, the Father of Collaborative Law

Katherine Miller talks with Stu Webb about Collaborative Law. Stu was ready to leave the practice of law because he was so discouraged by the way the litigation treated people -both parties and professionals - that he took a big risk and suggested that settlement counsel be disqualified from litigating...and…

The Difference Between Mediation and Litigation

Do you wonder what it feels like to get divorced? Katherine Miller talks with "Barbara" about her experiences as a client in divorce mediation and also litigation. This is an inside look into pros and cons of both choices and what it feels like inside.

Child Specialists in Collaborative Divorce

Listen as Katherine Miller talks with Dr. Lauren Behrman about what the child specialist does in Collaborative Divorce and how it can be helpful.

Collaborative Divorce and the Benefits of Working with a Member of NYACP

Host Katherine Miller talks with Abby Rosmarin Executive Director of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals about Collaborative Divorce, the benefits of working with a member of NYACP and her new venture, Pivotal Moments, a new opportunity for people who are looking for help to make a significant personal…

Role of the Coach in Collaborative Divorce and a 12-Step Divorce Recovery Program

Listen as Katherine talks to Micki McWade LCSW about the role of the coach in the Collaborative Divorce process and her 12 Step Divorce Recovery program.

Videos

Video

What does the process of mediating the valuation of a business look like?


Video

What happens if my spouse and I choose to utilize Collaborative Law for our divorce, but we are unable to come to agreement about a specific issue like custody?

One of the concerns people often have in considering whether or not to use the collaborative process is what if they're unable to resolve the entire dispute in the collaborative process? Here's the thing. First of all, most cases result successfully and completely in the collaborative process. For the small…
Video

I am facing a dispute with my siblings over our parents’ estate. Can Collaborative Law help?

Even if you entirely trust your fiancé, and I certainly hope that you do, there may be some good reasons why you want to consider a prenuptial agreement. Think of it this way. Every divorce comes to an end whether it'd be by death or divorce. It makes sense to…
Video

What are some of the key differences between Collaborative Law and litigation?

Three key differences between the collaborative law process and the litigation process are one, in litigation, there's formal discovery. In collaborative law, we exchange that formal discovery for a transparent exchange of information. This is an agreement and a contract between all parties concerned that every piece of relevant financial…
Video

Will Collaborative Law or Mediation help lessen the cost of my divorce?

Sometimes people come into divorce really worried about how much the process itself is going to cost. Divorce is expensive. There's no getting around that. Oftentimes people look to alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation or collaborative law to try to reduce the cost of the divorce process itself…
Video

What are the benefits of utilizing mediation to resolve a business dispute?

It's funny, but business disputes are often with people with whom you spend more time than with your own family. When relationships matter, it really makes sense to pay attention to how you're going to make the decisions, not just what the decisions are. If you hope to have a…
Video

Having a good divorce

Can two people ever really have a good divorce? That's an excellent question and I think something that many people in this age when so many people get divorced really aspire to, and it's really interesting. A few years ago, I had a case in which I represented the husband…
Video

What is the difference between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce and which one is right for me?

People often wonder what the difference is between mediation and collaborative divorce. The difference is that in mediation, although the parties usually have attorneys, those attorneys in a family mediation rarely come into the room. Instead, the parties discuss their situation with their attorneys outside the room and come in…
Video

How does the mediation process play out?

In mediation, people come to a series of facilitated meetings with the mediator and themselves and they identify the issues that need to be resolved. They gather the information that they need and create a shared understanding of their economic reality and then talk about what's important to them and…
Video

What are some of the advantages of mediation as opposed to traditional divorce?

Mediation is a wonderful process for people who want to make their own decisions on their own based on the reference points that are important to them. In mediation, people work together with a neutral mediator who facilitates a conversation. Typically they do have attorneys, but those attorneys are not…
Video

Can mediation and collaboration lessen the negative impact of divorce on our kids?

When I was a litigating attorney, I realized that even with all parties wanting to keep the children out of it, there was no way. There was no way in the litigation process to not use the children to some extent in the negotiation between the parents. In mediation and…
Video

What is mediation in the context of family law?

In a mediated divorce, the parties meet with the mediator who doesn’t represent either person, but helps them identify, discuss, and ultimately resolve the issues that they face in order to get divorce. Typically in a divorce mediation, the parties have attorneys, but those attorneys don’t come into the mediation…
Video

How are experts in various fields utilized in Collaborative Law?

One of the advantages of the collaborative process is that we're able to work with various professionals in order to target the various elements of the divorce. One possibility is to work with a financial neutral. It's a financial neutral's job from a neutral stance to gather the information about…
Video

What are some of the key differences between Collaborative Law and Mediation?

Sometimes people wonder what some of the key differences are between collaborative law and mediation. I think it's best to answer this question in this way. How will you know whether or not the collaborative process is better for you or whether or not the mediation process is better for…

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